Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I seem to have left my pride at pride
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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