I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I've blown a few things in my day
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Randomize
