well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
