Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
