hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
