Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
