The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
