I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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