I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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