I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
