Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
