The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
