Soap is not a condiment
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Who did Billy Mays play for?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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