Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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