O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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