No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
