I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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