Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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