dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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