She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
