I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
