He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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