i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
