That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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