u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
My sheets look like a crime scene.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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