Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
