I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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