At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
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He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
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Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
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