Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Don't tell me you're on acid again
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize