i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Too much gin, very little bucket
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
