please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
