it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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