That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
