My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
