I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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