Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
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