Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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