i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
