The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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