The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
