He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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