There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
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