oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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