thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
