so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Buhtt sex?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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