I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
50% drunk capacity currently
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
