While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
