Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
