...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
How does one acquire holy water?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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