billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
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