We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
