I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
