he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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