o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
