# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
