I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize