you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
