i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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