omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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