You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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