Sry I called you an 8
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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