Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
