I hate your face
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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