The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
