Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
