My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
